BIRTHDAY PARTY - DAY NINE

I haven't been able to weigh myself in a few days and since I've been back home I don't know if I want to. I just know I'm going to look down to the scale and see 145 or more. I've been eating horribly and another day of cake and ice cream awaits me tomorrow.

My boyfriend said earlier.. Or really late last night because it's already Tuesday that he feels fat. He said he's been feeling fat for the past couple of days and it's been making him feel bad. Maybe I can get him to start taking walks with me in the afternoons. I mean we live right next door. How hard can it be? We'll progress to speed walking then to jogging and jogging is where all the fat is lost. Maybe.. I can't do this by myself in that town. Without him. I'm alone.

Anyway, I'll update later today after the party or maybe before I go. Who knows. Sweet dreams.

My Update.

I've decided that I don't like saying my boyfriend and my roommate and my this and that over and over and over. Haha so I'm giving people some letters. I'll make a page out of this instead of putting it all in one post.

Anyway, I got up this morning with just intentions of only drinking coffee and nothing else until the party later today.. But I really don't want to binge and if I ate nothing until then I know that I would have. My Granny and Pa made me some vegan sausage links, an egg, and had biscuits too. A whole breakfast when I woke up. So I ate a little bit of that. They made it because I was here. So I had to. They already hate that I moved away and E keeps telling me that they miss me so much and he can see it. It breaks my heart when I have to leave. Pa tells me he loves me and to be careful at least 3 times before I can get out of the door. I'm very lucky to have them. It just makes me feel bad..

The party is over and E is asleep next to me. I overate.. I knew I would. Tomorrow I will be back at my apartment. Back under control. I love my family and I want to spend time with them, but I don't think I've ever wanted to be away from them so much before. I mean there full meals at every turn and E's family has had cake, cake, and more cake! Everywhere I look is food. Everywhere I look is expectations. Even E's sister was like are you going to eat all that? It made me feel bad, but she meant it as you better eat it all.. I didn't know what to say.